life's test

aight real vent...i feel as tho im constantly being tested lately...not even on an attitudinal basis but on some real life shyt...im always given hard facts & situations & expected to function like everything is kool...usually good at rollin with tha punches but when u cant duck em all it gets hard...2 years ago i lost my best friend who was much more like my family not figuratively speaking...we spent majority of our time together: work, home & leisure time n when we werent together we were on tha phone or fb chat...at that time i said i wouldnt make it but God's grace, mercy and favor has carried me thus far...i still have random moments where i completely melt down but i feel as tho i deserve tha cleanse...i rarely ever react in front of ppl bc my misery does not love company...i also feel as tho ppl look 2 me 4 strength so 2 break someone else down aint my style...anyways i just got news 2day that her father committed suicide & quite honestly i was sad, angry, confused, jealous and many other emotions all at once. Sad and angry because i feel like i lost a part of my friend all over again...confused bc it came so left field and jealous bc he gets 2 b with her while tha rest of us r stuck here dreamin ab that day...anyways i say that 2 say this...many ppl say im so happy & full of life and some envy that but wut they dont c is tha work i go thru mentally 2 put myself here physically...b4 u get mad n think i have it like that kno that not 4 one minute would u want 2 try on my shoes & walk...not sayin i hav tha worst in tha world but just cherish ur position 4 what it is...God will never put u n a situation u cant handle be happy where u r